I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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