nut hugger
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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