4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
