How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
