dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
