it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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