is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
