spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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