Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
