The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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