On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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