She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
