dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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