Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
