Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
