After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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