Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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