So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
