Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
