Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
