did you get engaged???
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
