I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
