Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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