I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
