I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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