my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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