Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
