Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
