You just made me feel so damn special
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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