if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They have beer where we have blood.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
