Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
