Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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