I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
