Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
