A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
