I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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