Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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