she woke up with a sticky ear
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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