Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
