I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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