Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
