my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
