Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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