You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
