I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
