evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
