Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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