I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
