those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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