So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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