It's Friday. Sex?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
