if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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