Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
