hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We left the knife in your bed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
