goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
