best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
