She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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