Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
