She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
