Got a toothbrush?
I cockslap morals
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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