this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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