You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I want her autograph on my taint
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
