Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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