i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize