Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize