my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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