just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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