i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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